Friday, August 30, 2013

Blinded By Life

It's difficult to openly talk about actual life issues on my very public style (emphasis on "style" "fashion") blog, but I feel like my life has taken a very different direction in general. This could possibly come off as stupid and pretentious and whatever synonym there is for being pretentious, but I've been watching tons of documentaries lately and have really had a huge change of heart on many things in my life. I still hate Republicans. I still hate celery. I still hate thieves. But I feel as if a very heavy and blinding "thing" has been ripped out of my life that masked so many other issues that make what I'm doing so pointless. Like my clothing brand that I established with the help of my mother (the seamstress who makes everything). What is that doing to improve problems that exist that aren't about me? What can I do to help? This clothing brand thing is distracting, but I like it, but I shouldn't, but I do... I like getting giddy and feeling my mom hug me so hard that I feel as if my ribs are going to disintegrate from all the pressure when we see a photo of a customer happily wearing their piece we designed and handcrafted. Does that make me selfish? I didn't think it did, and I still don't think it does, but it makes me feel guilty. Business is my passion but my other passion is non-profit, the total opposite of business, and helping others without expecting any type of compensation for return. Isn't that such a strange concept? Helping others for the sake of helping. Making happy. Creating smiles. 

The documentaries I've watched recently have all talked about and brought forth issues I've known existed but have explored them to a whole new depth. Some issues: how unbelievably fucked up ALL corporations are. Yes, this includes Goodwill (they are awful). How shallow America is, how much outer beauty is stressed and if you're not beautiful, nobody cares what you do. Disgusting. Most of the ones I've watched do mostly with corporate greed, minimum wage, loopholes = the government ruining so many lives in order to treat the rich like extra special puppies. I own a business and I pay taxes, I support this nasty and ruthless government (the FDA ain't protecting us, ps), and here I am ranting about it. Shouldn't I do instead of write? I still feel so lost, but far less than I had before. I feel as if I know how I can find true happiness and joy. Becoming sovereign is a neat idea, but I've became so used to the lifestyle I live now and society has brainwashed me from the moment I was born to treasure and appreciate the wrong things. Is it worth it to sacrifice my tastebuds and preferences in life in order to make a drastic change? I am only one person, will I make a difference? 

I am going to consciously change so many aspects of my life, more than I already have which to the eyes of others may already be considered drastic. It's time to stop being so selfish and help others in their time of need and be a kind soul, just because. It will probably be very difficult, but all changes, both big and small are always difficult for me to accept. Anyways, I mostly just recommend to any of you with spare time on your hands to spend it watching some eye-opening documentaries, not comedy drama horror or romance films but real true factual gritty docs. I wish I was creative and ballsy enough to make my own documentary, but for now, I'm just here to appreciate commend and spread the word about them.

Here's a list of some I've watched in the past few years that have stuck with me and affected me heavily:

 〮Children Underground (really, really, really recommend)
 〮Dive! (really, really recommend)
 〮America the Beautiful (really recommend)
 〮Vanishing of the Bees
 〮The End
 〮Lost Angels 
 〮Hot Coffee
 〮Forks Over Knives

All are available for streaming on Netflix, some also available on YouTube. I will continue to post on this blog as per usual, but just wanted to publish a little update on my life. Have a peaceful rest of the day, my friends. ❀


PinkCheetahVintage said...

Thanks for sharing--trust me, lots of us are right there with you in these sentiments.

Ally said...

This doesn't come off as pretentious at all. Its good to open up your eyes and see things that a lot of people don't take their time to see, even people much older than you. I feel the same way struggling with business and wanting to help people. There are a lot of handmade businesses that done a small portion of their sales to organizations. You can try doing that even if only a certain season like your fall line, or only for a limited time. Could be the perfect balance! <3

Caitlan Hammond said...

I love you.